This Weird Girl

In the following pictures, those words were penned from my head yesterday while writing a letter to a friend.

Many years ago I stopped calling myself a Christian, for I never knew what the hearer’s preconceived definition was of what a Christian is. There are so many false, skewed definitions of “christian” out there. Most of them are wrong.

Identity is such a major focus in our society today. And, according to one of my daughters, it’s because people struggle to know who they are, and a label is a faster way to get there.

A wedding ring is an identifier. I visited an anabaptist church in Amish country once where no one wore wedding rings. We asked a man how everyone knew he was married if he didn’t wear a ring? He smiled, “If they knew an ounce about me, then they’d know I was married.”

Though I haven’t advertised it to the world much, I don’t think it’s a secret that I considered confirmation in the Roman Catholic church. It’s a long story, but the short of it is that I’ve been to two Masses a week for most of the last 2.3 years as the parish pianist. Up until recently, I considered myself Protestant. But I shed that label quickly once I truly realized what it fully entails. Now I say I was raised and spent most of my adult life under Protestant teachings, but I don’t wear the identification of it.

I.Love.The.Mass.

And I’ll say this clearly… I WANT to be a Catholic. My flesh desires that club membership. I WANT to confirm. Why? I have my reasons, but it’s primarily because I WANT the Eucharist soooooooo much! I’ve tasted it twice in the Lutheran church, and the experience was supernatural (a story for a different post).

Every Mass, I gaze upon it and yet  denied. It’s painful to be so filled with Christ (and many would say I’m more “Catholic” than a Cradle Catholic) and be deprived of His communion only because I’m not initiated into the denomination. But I also fully respect and admire why the RCC does it this way.

[*sigh* Not many things can make me cry. But when I think about the desire to partake in the Eucharist, I can feel the emotions.]

I adore my Catholic family. I adore my Baptist family. I adore my Presbyterian family! And my Non-Denominational family, too! (that’s a denomination, btw)

Worship Jesus where Jesus is worshipped.

But I just CAN’T wear a label- an identity. For ME to be a ________ would be a sin. [I’m speaking only for myself]. I could site two scripture references to support my conviction, but I’ll leave it to you to look those up if you truly want to know.

Much to my disappointment, my confirmation will never end up under the Christmas tree. For God will not allow it. But I am sooooo grateful God does not give me everything I want. Because I know He cares for me.